It is summer, and I am not in school, nor do I have a job right now, so I have crazy amounts of free time on hand. After several attempts to clear out my huge closet to make room for [B]‘s stuff when he moves in, and just completely clear my apartment of clutter, I am still unsuccessful. Instead, I have read approximately 7 books, taken many naps, been sick with a stomach bug and allergies, visited family, and spent some quality time by the pool. My closet is still a disaster, and the rest of my place isn’t so great looking either. I guess I will finally need to admit that while I have a Type A personality, and I savor and love control, it will always be a constant struggle for me to maintain order within my living space.
I think part of my problem comes from the fact that I have not been taking my Adderall. As I have mentioned several times, I have ADD. As in, I lose shit on a daily basis, I will call someone to ask or say something and when the phone is answered I forgot why I called, I make plans then immediately forget them, I will be in the middle of a task get side tracked and it remains unfinished, take stuff off the stove or out of the over and forget to turn it off… Yeah- I have ADD. I have gotten used to the fact that it takes me much more focus now to get my thoughts out, and I am kinda, maybe, sort of getting the hang of the fact that I have the attention span and memory of a goldfish, but then there are times when I just don’t know. I know that I should probably start taking it again, and go to the doctor to get a new prescription, but I have really gotten to dislike the fact that I rely so heavily on a medication to function in my day to day life.
I have enjoyed my hiatus from it, come to think of it, that could also be why I have not been blogging, I mean it takes much self-control to even sit at the computer long enough to get a coherent thought out- I originally sat down to write about I wanted to spend one day as a crab fisherman in the Bering Sea and look at where I am now!!!!! But… yes… I have enjoyed my hiatus from it. I have found myself doing odd, quirky things that I used to do more frequently, or only when I was pretty buzzed. I feel that when I don’t take it, in general I have more energy (Yeah- I have ADD, it doesn’t act like an amphetamine in my system, it lets me slow down and actually be productive), and I feel more fun in general. I have really enjoyed this aspect of it, but at the same time, I really do hate being so damn flaky! I don’t like feeling like I a hummingbird flitting around from one thing to the next, never giving what I do much thought or time.
Wait a minute… This girl is going to school to become a pharmacist, and she has a problem with taking a medication everyday?! YES! I have found that those in health care are the worst patients, the most non-compliant, and the most unwilling to take medications. I know, I know, we make no sense. But it is true! After about a month though, I have finally come to the conclusion that it is time for me to admit that I really do have a problem, and my ADD can’t be controlled on my own very well, at all! I cooked dinner, ate it, and then took Noah on a walk, when I came in and went to get him a treat, I realized I had left the stove on the whole time! So yes, at some point this week, if I can manage, I will see to finding my medicine here, and going to my doctor and getting a new script. I tried, but sometimes you just need to know when enough is enough and admit you need help 
I think you got it right, “sometimes you just need to know when enough is enough and admit you need help.” If your arm was broken you would not think twice – you would get help. I do not know much about ADD. But, if your life becomes too disfunctional (like leaving a stove burning away when you leave the house) then you have a problem. The only thing missing… you have not yet burned down the house. When the house burns down then you will know. Or, you can take the clues and do something about it. I do not know if your meds were right and I sympathize, I do not like to take meds. I have worked my way off of everything so right now I feel good about that. But, do yourself and everyone around you a favor – figure this out. If one prescription does not cut it then see what other choices you have. In the end, we all want to have a full life. Your health is robbing you, get some of your life back.
Yeah, my meds were pretty good. I mean, during the school year when I was up and going to class/studying for an extended period of time- like over 12 hours, I could have used an extra pill, but overall, the Adderall does the trick. It was more so, I am 24 years old, and I mean, I know people have ADD and they need to focus on work and stuff, but since I am currently out of both school and work I figured that I didn’t really need it. This was kind of a little personal experiment (? not an intentional one, it was more that initially I felt that I would be more or less the same without it) so that I would not be taking it unnecessarily. It is a blend of 4 amphetamines, CNS stimulants, and they can be very addicting. Lucky for me, I have a non-addictive personality and have not had to deal with problems of becoming addicted to it, but still… And I do believe that my stopping it cold turkey after taking it for years had quite the effect on my mood- But that aside, I just was kinda iffy about taking when I didn’t need it. But clearly, I was wrong, and in fact I do need it. I am very fortunate that my stove/oven incidents haven’t ended poorly, and I really just don’t need to be taking those risks when I know that it can be avoided. It just kinda blows knowing that even if I try and put forth effort, there are just some things I can’t make myself do. And you are right, my health has taken enough from me, and I really do deserve to maintain and keep the little bit of sanity that I do have
I have located my remaining Adderall, and will be seeing the doctor very soon!