What was I saying?! June 1, 2010

It is summer, and I am not in school, nor do I have a job right now, so I have crazy amounts of free time on hand. After several attempts to clear out my huge closet to make room for [B]’s stuff when he moves in, and just completely clear my apartment of clutter, I am still unsuccessful. Instead, I have read approximately 7 books, taken many naps, been sick with a stomach bug and allergies, visited family, and spent some quality time by the pool. My closet is still a disaster, and the rest of my place isn’t so great looking either. I guess I will finally need to admit that while I have a Type A personality, and I savor and love control, it will always be a constant struggle for me to maintain order within my living space.

I think part of my problem comes from the fact that I have not been taking my Adderall. As I have mentioned several times, I have ADD. As in, I lose shit on a daily basis, I will call someone to ask or say something and when the phone is answered I forgot why I called, I make plans then immediately forget them, I will be in the middle of a task get side tracked and it remains unfinished, take stuff off the stove or out of the over and forget to turn it off… Yeah- I have ADD. I have gotten used to the fact that it takes me much more focus now to get my thoughts out, and I am kinda, maybe, sort of getting the hang of the fact that I have the attention span and memory of a goldfish, but then there are times when I just don’t know. I know that I should probably start taking it again, and go to the doctor to get a new prescription, but I have really gotten to dislike the fact that I rely so heavily on a medication to function in my day to day life.

I have enjoyed my hiatus from it, come to think of it, that could also be why I have not been blogging, I mean it takes much self-control to even sit at the computer long enough to get a coherent thought out- I originally sat down to write about I wanted to spend one day as a crab fisherman in the Bering Sea and look at where I am now!!!!! But… yes… I have enjoyed my hiatus from it. I have found myself doing odd, quirky things that I used to do more frequently, or only when I was pretty buzzed. I feel that when I don’t take it, in general I have more energy (Yeah- I have ADD, it doesn’t act like an amphetamine in my system, it lets me slow down and actually be productive), and I feel more fun in general. I have really enjoyed this aspect of it, but at the same time, I really do hate being so damn flaky! I don’t like feeling like I a hummingbird flitting around from one thing to the next, never giving what I do much thought or time.

Wait a minute… This girl is going to school to become a pharmacist, and she has a problem with taking a medication everyday?! YES! I have found that those in health care are the worst patients, the most non-compliant, and the most unwilling to take medications. I know, I know, we make no sense.  But it is true! After about a month though, I have finally come to the conclusion that it is time for me to admit that I really do have a problem, and my ADD can’t be controlled on my own very well, at all! I cooked dinner, ate it, and then took Noah on a walk, when I came in and went to get him a treat, I realized I had  left the stove on the whole time! So yes, at some point this week, if I can manage, I will see to finding my medicine here, and going to my doctor and getting a new script. I tried, but sometimes you just need to know when enough is enough and admit you need help 🙂